


monster

by Anonymous



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Manipulation, Exile, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Toby Smith | Tubbo, Let Tubbo Vent For Once, Mentioned TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), PAIN., Panic Attacks, Self-Reflection, Tubbo Deserves Better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:40:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28661880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: tubbo self reflects after tommy calls him a monster. takes place before the second “festival”.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 2
Kudos: 61
Collections: Anonymous





	monster

tubbo never wanted to be a monster. 

he knew being president of a nation built from chaos was going to be hard, especially when his predecessors were both dead and hated for what they’d done. tubbo swore to himself that’d he’d be different, letting his presidency be an new era to l’manberg. he renamed it and vowed to uphold unity and peace throughout the land so there would never be another conflict to occur again, or at least one that wasn’t as damaging as someone losing their life to war. 

he calculated where each house needed to go, counting planks to place in the crater he now called home. he calculated his cabinet, the spots he had filled with his friends that would help lead the country to prosperity. he calculated defense mechanisms, making sure certain weapons would officially be banned so no harm could come to his people.

unfortunately, tubbo never calculated for his best friend. he assumed that tommy would behave, helping him bring forth peace and establish a place where they can finally be happy and grow like they once wanted. they could listen to mellohi and watch the sunset fall on the bench. it would have been just like the old days, before the war and trauma. 

of course things could never be the same, tubbo reminded himself while moving slowly into his makeshift white house. it’s stupid to think one could erase all the events that had been etched into the soil. the nightmares proved that. 

regardless, tommy was never one to listen to anyone, much less tubbo. he was always a loose cannon, firing at anything he could. for him it was always about chaos and the discs, tommy made it very clear he never cared about tubbo from the start.

tubbo chuckled lowly to himself as he trudged into the bathroom, noticing his mirror had been heavily smudged. maybe tommy did care about tubbo, but he had a shit way of showing it sometimes.

tommy also wasn’t very self aware, as he hurled insults at his ex best friend tubbo just stood there thinking to himself. he knew tommy was impulsive and reckless, running into things he shouldn’t have. despite that, tubbo should’ve known tommy wouldn’t listen to him about to probation in hindsight- but again tubbo was stupid enough to still have faith in him. 

tubbo continued to think back to that moment and turned on the faucet. as water began to slowly flow into the sink he remembered being called a monster for trying to kill tommy’s old mentor, but is that really fair when the same man was a threat to their nation?

they sacrificed so much for it, died multiple times, and were manipulated by their leader. didn’t it make sense to get rid of somebody who was a threat to their peace- a destructive man who forced his ideals of no government onto anybody who walked by? sure, tubbo didn’t want to initially harm techno but quackity made a valid point, didn’t he?

tubbo continued to ponder as he brought his hands under the water. he watched as the grime from his skin began to mix into liquid and let his eyes go into a daze. maybe quackity was wrong, maybe violence really wasn’t the answer- it was against everything tubbo stood for. the very purpose of his presidency was peace and he violated that, so did he let another one of his cabinet members use him again?

tubbo already knew the answer was yes. he knew of how no one viewed him as an equal, they constantly trampled all over him and used him as a tool for their own gain. wilbur, schlatt, quackity, even tommy sometimes had taken advantage of his kindness and pushed him into situations he just didn’t want to be in and he knows dream is doing the same.

tubbo knows that the exile was just another form of separating them, but couldn’t tommy see that he had no choice? tommy hadn’t listened, he had threatened dream with no mercy foolishly believing that he had the upper hand. tubbo and him were on their last lives for fucks sake, he couldn’t just not exile him with the possibility of death right around the corner.

the decision tubbo had then made was obviously with intention of protecting the nation and tommy, that’s always what it had been. sure, tubbo always felt guilty. he spent his days sobbing, clenching a compass while being yelled at by his citizens. he even visited tommy- and from that point forward he blamed himself for the death of his best friend who wasn’t really dead but might as well continue to be.

tubbo sank down to the ground. he knew everyone hated him, he knew everyone wished he could be a better president but can’t they see that he’s trying his best? that he was abandoned as a child and manipulated by everyone around him? that he wishes he could desperately vent but god, everyone has left him. he’s never had anyone to confide in- after all he’s just the “yes man”. he’s not allowed to vent, he’s not allowed to speak out against anyone, he’s not-

he’s not a human. he’s a monster. an ugly, rotting monster who’s being eaten alive by guilt and sorrow. he can’t be saved now, the scars on his body showcase his suffering yet no one has ever asked him if he was okay. no one ever asks monsters if they’re okay. he’ll never be an equal to them, he’ll never be treated the same he just-

tubbo never wanted to be a monster, but he always will be.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this is kind of a mess but i wrote this before the community house incident so- also i’m still angry that tubbo is treated like complete garbage and thinks he’s not and equal to everyone else so yay fun-


End file.
